Change is Hard

Over the past year so many things have changed for me. Not all bad, but changes nonetheless.
- I got married
- I quit my job of 12.5 years - stability and knowing what I was doing
- I sold my house - the first house on my own
- I moved across the country
- I started a new job
- I got a new car - Nigel treated me well for 13 years
- I moved away from all my family and friends
- Moved to all new things

This week has been rough for me. I don't really know why, it's just been rough. I was brushing my teeth tonight and almost started crying as I thought of one of my nieces and how much I miss those nieces and nephews of mine.I'm no longer within 90 minutes of all of them. Now I live across the country and I can't just stop by their houses after work and say hi. I don't have a good answer when they ask me, "Minda, can you come over and play?" It breaks my heart when they are so excited to see me and I can't fulfill that wish for them. I learn more and more how tender their little hearts are. I didn't think about how hard this change would be when it all happened. But this past year has not been easy on me.

I have a job, which is great. But I'd been at my previous job for nearly 13 years. People knew who I was, trusted me to do my work and to do it well. That is not the case here. I have a boss that doesn't trust her team. She's always double checking people's work or having us double check each other. Which I understand to an extent, but there's no logic behind her thinking. She has control and trust issues and she's going to lose some good workers because of it. I can't just quit and easily find another job because I'm qualified for nothing. I didn't finish school and every job now requires some sort of a degree. It doesn't even necessarily matter in what, but job descriptions more often than not say, "bachelor's degree required." And that is a requirement I just can't fill at this point in time.

Everything is harder in Massachusetts. Everything.

Friends are Important

I've been blessed with some really amazing friends in my life. Wonderful, talented, amazing friends. When I got married, I had two very talented friends that helped me. One was my photographer and one catered the reception. Bonus for getting married later in life: you have established friends with careers that you can trust. I wasn't worried at all about the quality of my pictures or food that would be there. Other people may have, but I had total confidence. And it turned out wonderfully!! People kept raving about the food. Well of course they did, because my friend is amazing!

That being said, I've had a lot of wonderful people come into my life that I've been able to call friends. What's hard about that? When you move 2000 plus miles away from all of that. Don't get me wrong, married life is good and I have a best friend for life. However, sometimes a girl just needs her close girlfriends to talk to. Yes, technology is amazing and I have all these apps that I'm able to communicate with them, but I'm missing that social connection. I miss going out and having girls nights with my friends. Crafternoons with my girlfriends and catching up on all their lives. Making friends as an adult is hard! Kudos to those kids of yours that come home and say, "I made a friend today!" That's amazing and I envy children and their ability to make friends. That is hard for me. I'm not outgoing. I'm quite shy and come across as a bitch to people when they first meet me. I can say that because some of my close friends have admitted this to me. "I thought you hated me when I first met you." Yeah....that's not a good combination when you try and make friends in a new place. I'm sure they're wondering what my husband is doing with me.

Just What My Heart Needed

Will and I recently went back to Utah for the holidays. I went for a quick trip in October, which was good for my soul, but this time I got to stay for 10 days. It was just what I needed. I haven't done stellar with the adjustment out to the East. Don't get me wrong, Will has been amazingly patient with me and my breakdowns, but I'm very close with my family and not being near them has been hard on me. Harder than I thought it would be, actually. And although it was loud and crazy and I came home sick, I absolutely loved my time back in Utah. Will joined me a day later and had to leave a few days before me, but while he was there, we actually got quite a bit in. We got up early Friday morning and went to see the lights at temple square. Pro tip, they turn the lights on for an hour in the morning. There are no crowds and it looks like you're there at night. So much better! Will had come to visit me last December and we met up with my good friends to walk around temple square and grab some dinner. It was so ridiculously crowded that night that we didn't really get to enjoy the lights. This year, we learned our lesson and snuck out of the house before kids woke up and went to see the lights. Parked right across from the temple (another bonus) and got to walk around and enjoy the lights without having to shove our way through crowds of people.

I also got lots of family time. Sadly I didn't get pictures like I would have wanted to, but I did get to see everyone (minus Brad who is living it up in Hawaii for a few months). We had our annual Christmas Adam party, which is always a fun event. We went bowling with my mom, Jeff and Holli and their two kids on Christmas Eve. Turns out bowling on Christmas Eve is a popular event. I'm not a great bowler, but I enjoy it and it was fun to watch little Lexi bowl and have fun. I also got to have a little salon treatment by Miss Pais. She painted my nails and then I painted hers to match. I had a game night with the Wilcox kids the night I left. That was fun. We played Disney code names. Which I've never played, but actually enjoyed. Will and I received a code names game for a wedding gift and hadn't broken it out yet. I think we can now break it out and I'd be able to explain how to play.

I was also able to go to breakfast with the framily while I was out there. My friends that I consider my family. I was grateful that they were able to take the time to make breakfast with me happen. I love all these wonderful humans. All in all, it was a good trip and exactly what my little heart needed. I was in desperate need of some family and friend time.

Every month

I feel like most of my posts lately have been a little negative, as I've been struggling with the adjustment of leaving everything I know and coming to a place with all new things and all new people. So, I decided I'd write about something a little more upbeat. Over the past year or so, every month, this sweet now husband of mine has gotten me flowers. It was every month, when I'd come to visit, he had flowers for me. I thought that was nice of him, to get for me when I came to visit. However, that thoughtful tradition of his has continued into our 4 months of marriage. I come home and randomly there are flowers on our kitchen table. When I ask him what they are for, "I just thought you deserved some flowers." This rough and rugged farmer of mine is really just a big ol' teddy bear. I'm lucky to have him in my life and very lucky that he puts up with me and all of my quirks.

Side of the Road

Fun fact about me - I get migraines. Okay, it's not really a fun fact, more of an annoyance that I've dealt with since high school. Both my sisters had them, but apparently basically grew out of them after high school. Mine just decided to increase in frequency after high school. Well, after moving across the country, mine decided to really take it up a notch. I was getting one every weekend, like clockwork. I was starting to get really frustrated with this. I tried to chalk it up to all the new stresses that I was putting on myself, but it wasn't helping. The other day, I was driving home from work. I had left at just the right time in order to hit major traffic. I knew I was in it for at least an hour and a half and there wasn't much I could do about it. Then the migraine decided to settle in. I can tell when I'm going to have a bad one. One that will take me out for the day. I didn't have anywhere to go. I was in the middle of traffic, in the rain. I thought to myself, if I get nauseated, I can at least pull off to the side of the freeway, whereas if I'm off the freeway, there really aren't any options for me to pull over as the East doesn't believe in shoulders on the road. I made it to the point where I was exiting the freeway. This meant about another 15-20 minutes before I got home. I kept thinking to myself, "just make it home, just make it home." I didn't make it home. Sadly, I am no stranger to pulling over to the side of the road and puking. This has happened a handful of times in my life. I barely made it off the road, didn't even get my car in park, opened my door and out it came. It was raining and here I was, on the side of the road with half my body hanging out the side of my car. I sat there for a minute and tried to calm down as I was hanging my head in the rain. Then I heard, from across the road, "are you okay?" Ugh....someone had decided to be nice. That's wonderful and all, but I don't like people seeing me in this state. I usually start crying, which I had at this point. All I could do was raise my head, say I was fine and close my door. Then I continued on my way home. I got home about 10 minutes later. My sweet husband knew I had been in the bulk of traffic. He got up to welcome me home and I just held my hand out and said, "I'm going to brush my teeth, I just threw up on the side of the road." And that was my wonderful evening in traffic.

Commuting Part 2

This week, we had a service day for work. We had to be to West Roxbury by 9 am Tuesday. Well, this girl has no idea where towns are and people kept asking me, "are you coming?" "I'm not excited about the drive for me, so I can't even imagine what it's going to be like for you." With that preface, I was really excited about making this drive and having to be there at 9, when I'd be driving in peak traffic. When I mentioned it to Will he said, "You have to go there!? It's south of Boston. It's far." Great, so I guess I'll plan on leaving at 6 am and hope I make it there by 9. I set my alarm for 5:30 that morning. When it went off, I looked and my calendar said, "traffic is heavy, it will take you 1 hour and 27 minutes to get there." This was at 5:30 in the morning!! Ugh....I got ready and decided I needed to leave no later than 7, to give me plenty of time. When I told that to Will he just said, "If only that were plenty of time." Because it takes forever and a day to get anywhere out here. That's what I'm finding.

I made my journey and got there in about an hour and 45 minutes. I was still early, which is better than late for me. I hate being late. I only have one person's number from my team, so I texted her and asked if she could let me know when she got here because I wasn't totally sure I was in the right place. When she arrived, we walked in and we were talking about our commutes. Turns out she lives 12 miles from this place and it took her the same amount of time to get there. 12 miles!!! That's absolutely ridiculous. I guess I shouldn't complain as much as I do. She lives 22 miles from work and it takes her about an hour to an hour and a half to get to work. I live 45 miles away and it takes me an hour and a half. She said it's because she has to go through the city and the city is just always a mess. If I lived 22 miles from work and it was taking me over an hour to get in every day, I don't think I would last. I really don't. Books on tape aside, I think it would still drive me bonkers. I will try not to be so pessimistic about my drive. No promises though, let's be honest, it still sucks.

The Commute

I've mentioned before that I have a horrendous commute to work. Let me paint you a little picture. Last week, on Tuesday, it took me just under two hours to get to work. I left my house just after 7 and didn't get there till 9. Needless to say, I was already drained by the time I got there. The way home is about an hour and a half. So, I spent over 3 hours in the car, every day. I was not impressed. So, today, I'm trying something new. I'm going to do a little work from home this morning and not leave my house until at least 9. If this works better and the commute isn't as terrible, I may need to do this for a while. For my own sanity.

I'm not used to being in the car that much. Nor am I quite used to this working 5 days a week crap. So if I need to adjust my schedule to keep me from being an angry person, I will do that. It's either that or quit my job. Trust me, I've thought about the latter. I don't know that this drive and the stress it is giving me is worth it. I'm trying to be a big girl and tough it out for a few more months, to give it a good try, but I don't know how long I can last. My sweet husband has already told me he's okay if I quit because it's not worth it if I'm miserable. He also leaves at 5:30 in the morning to try and beat the traffic. I now know why. Although, I've tried to leave around that same time, but I have another 20 minutes (on a good day) further than him and I just haven't figured out a good time to leave. I don't get how there are so many people on the roads, at all times of the day. It just doesn't make sense to me. What else does't make sense? That people do this. For years! They make this commute, every day. I don't get it. So, here goes my experiment this week. Who knows, maybe I'll be super productive in the mornings.