30 weeks

I wasn't going to post about this. I was just going to ride it out until the little dude gets here. However, I think I need some sort of outlet. While my pregnancy hasn't been complicated in the traditional sense of morning sickness, gestational diabetes or things like that, it's still been difficult. I don't live near my family. I don't have that support from my friends where I can just drive to someone's house and cry when my emotions are all out of whack. I have a sense of loneliness. Yes, I have my husband and he's been great, but I'm super close with my family, so this has been extremely hard for me.

To top it all off, we are in a global pandemic right now, with the coronavirus. I had scheduled a quick trip back West to see the fam and have a baby shower, which I was very much looking forward to. However, with the massive spreading of this disease, travel restrictions, shelter-in-place orders and the fact that I'm at higher risk because of this pregnancy, that trip will no longer be happening. As the time for this trip comes closer, I'm realizing more and more how good that trip was going to be for my heart and soul. I miss my family terribly. Even if I did end up going, I couldn't even have a combined family dinner with them because groups of more than 10 are discouraged and my family is upwards of 30 people with all the nieces and nephews. Of course I want to see everyone, but I'd only be there for 2 days, which would make it extremely difficult to see everyone. At which point, how do you decide who to see? People will be upset/hurt no matter what. I know it's better that I'm not going, to protect myself and this little one growing inside me, but it is extremely difficult and it's beginning to take it's toll on me. Maybe it's the quarantine, maybe it's the realization that I won't see my family until after this little one enters the world, but I think I'm getting a hint of depression and it's not fun.

Add on the stress of reading/seeing all the chaos surrounding the coronavirus and I am not doing well. I go down rabbit holes of reading the news and watching videos of updates around the world and how this virus is spreading. The paranoia of bringing a tiny human into all of this, with no immune system to fight anything, is terrifying and at times debilitating. I started a new job in January and I'm unable to focus with all this going around. Really, it's a terrible cycle to be stuck in. On a happier note, our little guy is growing, healthy and safe, so we are thankful for that.