Acceptance

This is something I've struggled with for quite some time. I always think there is something else I can bo doing. If I just do this, I will be happy. If I can just learn to do this, things will be okay. I'm sort of a people pleaser and always strive to do what others would want me to do. I've been trying to conform myself to societies stereotypes. Doing what others think I should be doing. I didn't finish school. I'm not married. I'm a menace to society right now. I need to realize that maybe, just maybe, that's not me. I need to be okay with who I am and what I have going for me and what I have to offer. There are days when I really don't think that is much at all. I look at my life sometimes and wonder what did I do wrong? What did I do to get to where I am today? What would I have changed? What would I do over again? If I knew then what I know now, would things be different? Of course they would. But we don't get do-overs in life. I need to accept things as they are and embrace them. It's a constant struggle with me. Comparason is also something I struggle with. He has this or she did that. If only I were skinnier. If only I were smarter. If only I were prettier. If only I were more outgoing. If only I had more confidence. If only I was stronger. If only I had done this. If only.... Acceptance. Embrace it and come what may.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu

“It was being a runner that mattered, not how fast or how far I could run. The joy was in the act of running and in the journey, not in the destination. We have a better chance of seeing where we are when we stop trying to get somewhere else. We can enjoy every moment of movement, as long as where we are is as good as where we'd like to be. That's not to say that you need to be satisfied forever with where you are today. But you need to honor what you've accomplished, rather than thinking of what's left to be done (p. 159).”
― John Bingham, No Need for Speed: A Beginner's Guide to the Joy of Running

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

It's the middle of March. My first race of the year is next month. Ragnar Del Sol. I've done a little running, but I haven't been out on long runs yet. I'm actually not too worried about that race. However, in May, I have my first triathlon of the year. Have I trained for said race? Nope. Like I said, I've been out on some runs, but no long runs. And have I been swimming? H no! What did I sign myself up for!?

What's on the schedule so far this year? Ragnar and a 5K in April, triathlon in May, triathlon in June and a half marathon in June. And that's just what I'm currently signed up for. I know there will be more. The same group that is doing Ragnar in April is planning on doing another one in September, both in California. Which should be interesting since I've only done the Vegas and Wasatch Back Ragnar Relays. I'm also toying with the idea of doing the Tour de Cure in June, which means I will probably end up doing it. That takes care of 3 of the 5 weekends for the month. I may as well try and find something for the other two weeks and just make it a month of races! But I'm not nearly as prepared as I should be for the races I'm already signed up for, it just worries me. What have I gotten myself into!?

In a rut

I feel like I've been in a rut for the past few months. My running hasn't felt like it's been up to par lately. But if I'm being honest, I don't think it's ever really been up to par. I call myself a runner because I've done multiple races and I usually go running multiple times a week. But I don't feel like a runner. I could be much better. If I pushed myself. But that's the thing, I don't push myself. I run the same route each week. It takes me the same amount of time each run. No better, sometimes worse. I often stop and walk if I start to feel winded, when I should actually be pushing myself to be better. I feel like this is also related to my life as well. I go through the motions, but I want so much more out of it. I need to push myself to be better. Go outside my comfort zone and try new things that test my limits. Who knows, maybe something great will happen. But there's always that fear that I will stumble and fail and be unable to recover.

Peoria

In November I took a week off work and went to Peoria to visit my brother and his cute family. It was little Ezra's 2nd birthday and I was lucky enough to go visit and be there for his birthday. My mom was there at the same time, she had stopped in Kirksville to visit Jeff and Holli and then joined us in Peoria. It was a great time. Warning, lots of pictures. I couldn't decide on only a few.


I just liked the name of this place.


Cute chloe and me at dinner.


The awesome cake Mel made for Ezra's birthday. Very impressive.


Yeah! Double hand that cake. He was so excited for this cake. Loved it!


We were driving to a park and saw this white squirrel. Have you ever seen a white squirrel before?


I just liked this picture.


This park had a monster made out of tires. It was awesome! Chloe climbed across it and made it to the head.


Chloe looking for treasures.


Ezra enjoying the slide.


We were driving home, looking at the large houses in one area and stopped to walk on a little trail covered in leaves. Love these two!


Ezra and I walking down the path.


Me and Chloe


Playing in the leaves.


Love this picture! He's so happy!


I love the fall!


Ezra riding his 3-wheeler outside.


Playing doctor. Ezra laid there and Chloe examined him. He would tell her where he hurt and she would fix him up. So cute!


My last day! Getting ready to go to the airport. Thanks Brad and Mel for letting me come out and stay for a week. Love you guys!

Las Vegas Ragnar 2011

Back in October I had the opportunity to run the Las Vegas Ragnar Relay race. This is my third year in a row running this race. It's great! It's October and it's still 80 degrees during the day and about 65 at night. Love those night runs! I was runner 1 this time. I'm not used to being the first runner. It was a new experience for me. But it was still fun!


Going through safety training before starting the race. These are the kind of things you see when running Ragnar. This team's name was Smooth Porno Jams. And yes, they ran in those outfits. Awesome.


Another guys that has shaved the Ragnar symbol into his hair. Saw something similar when running the Wasatch Back. I think the guy behind him looks like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite.


The starting line.


Here I am at the starting line, waiting to get started.


And we're off!

They altered the course a little this year and the first 11 legs of the race were non-support. Which meant, runners in the van couldn't get out to support the runner out on the road. The course was altered and it was on a two lane highway, so there wasn't anywhere for the vans to pull off. We had to toss water bottles across the road and our runners would pick them up for a drink and then throw them back to the car.

Here are some of the vehicles we were running with for our legs.




This lady was hilarious. She was one of the traffic controllers I guess. As we're driving past her (it was a little congested at this point, we were coming up on an exchange) she says, "Cops are coming, don't do anything stupid now."


And here's the van for the Smooth Porno Jams


Oh these guys....They were interesting. We were with them most of the first leg, before passing off to van 2 and they were drinking the whole time! You could smell it on them when they got out of their van to support their runner. They gave us a good laugh, that's for sure. They had a Winnebago and my friend needed to use the bathroom, so she asked them if she could use theirs. At first the guy in the clown outfit (he was drunk) told her yes, but then she was told no by another one of their team members. The guy in the dress came to our van and told on of the guys, "She needs to pee, you need to get her a (insert explitive) sheet so she can go outside!" Yeah, they were interesting to say the least.


Here I am after my last leg. It was listed as very hard. It was 6.7 miles of uneven, rocky terrain on a dirt road. It was at 3:30 in the morning, pitch black, no street lamps as it was away from the road where the vans were driving. It was a non-support leg. All I had was the light from my head lamp to help me. There were several times where I almost face planted because of stepping on a rock that I didn't see. I was pretty excited to be done with that portion.


This is what happens when I run sometimes.


Our team at the finish line!


Jessica, Emma and me at the finish line, with our medals. Since we ran the Wasatch Back and the Vegas relay in the same year, we got an additionl Saints and Sinners medal. It was a great race with wonderful people.