The Commute

I've mentioned before that I have a horrendous commute to work. Let me paint you a little picture. Last week, on Tuesday, it took me just under two hours to get to work. I left my house just after 7 and didn't get there till 9. Needless to say, I was already drained by the time I got there. The way home is about an hour and a half. So, I spent over 3 hours in the car, every day. I was not impressed. So, today, I'm trying something new. I'm going to do a little work from home this morning and not leave my house until at least 9. If this works better and the commute isn't as terrible, I may need to do this for a while. For my own sanity.

I'm not used to being in the car that much. Nor am I quite used to this working 5 days a week crap. So if I need to adjust my schedule to keep me from being an angry person, I will do that. It's either that or quit my job. Trust me, I've thought about the latter. I don't know that this drive and the stress it is giving me is worth it. I'm trying to be a big girl and tough it out for a few more months, to give it a good try, but I don't know how long I can last. My sweet husband has already told me he's okay if I quit because it's not worth it if I'm miserable. He also leaves at 5:30 in the morning to try and beat the traffic. I now know why. Although, I've tried to leave around that same time, but I have another 20 minutes (on a good day) further than him and I just haven't figured out a good time to leave. I don't get how there are so many people on the roads, at all times of the day. It just doesn't make sense to me. What else does't make sense? That people do this. For years! They make this commute, every day. I don't get it. So, here goes my experiment this week. Who knows, maybe I'll be super productive in the mornings.

Things I Miss

There are many things I miss since moving across the country. Here's a list of some of the things I miss, big and small:

- Quick access to the freeway. It takes me 20 minutes to get to the freeway on my way to work. This 20 minutes is spent on a 2 lane winding highway. Yes, it's pretty, but it takes a long time to get to the freeway. And then there's the traffic.
- Being close to work. I realize this is a stupid thing to miss, but I miss it. In all my working years, thus far in my life, I have been 10 minutes away from work. 20 at the longest. The last 10 years of work, I was a mere 10 minutes from my job. I didn't know how great that was until I moved away and now have an hour commute. Each way. On a good day. I spend 2 hours, sitting in the car, every day. It's starting to get old and it's only been a month. I know, I'm a wuss.
- Sidewalks. I live in the country now. This apparently means there are no sidewalks. There's also poison ivy. In lots of places. I've learned my lesson the hard way, that if I want to go for a walk at night, I need to wear long pants or tall socks, because when you have to move off to the side of the road - so you aren't hit by a car, you may (in my case I did) brush up against some poison ivy. Lesson learned. Don't go for walks.
- Porches. Porches aren't really a thing out here. At least not front porches. I think most people have a small back porch, but front porches, not so much. I miss sitting with my good friend, on her front porch, sitting and talking. It's just one of those weird New England things that I've noticed. No front porches.
- A garbage disposal. I know, it's a weird thing to miss, but I do. I don't even mind the hand washing of dishes. And I think I'd rather have a garbage disposal installed before we replaced a dishwasher. But apparently they aren't good for the septic. So, at least for now, I need to get used to no garbage disposal.
- No shoulders on the side of the road. See above item. Not only are there no sidewalks, but there's basically no shoulder on these roads. Which makes me slightly terrified to take Ruby out for a ride. Yes, it would be great to ride here, out in the country, with all these trees. But with no shoulder on the road, there's greater fear/risk of me getting hit. I'm sure I'll venture out. At some point.
- Having things close to me. Church is far. Stores are far. I can't take a walk down to the post office on a Saturday, if I don't feel like driving. Well, I guess I could. It would just take me at least an hour to get there. See above, no sidewalks.
- Trax/public transportation. I didn't utilize this as much as I could have, but every once in a while I would take trax to and from work. It picked me up and dropped me off just a block from my house. Again, my work was only 10 minutes away, but this allowed me to get some walking in. That's not an option here. I'd have to drive to some bus/train station. I haven't even tried to figure that out yet.
- Coworkers that I knew and joked around with. Maybe that will come with my new job, but I'd known my other coworkers for years. I had a group that I went to lunch with once a month. It was a nice break from work, to get out of the office. There's nothing close to my new office.
- Walking trails near work. There was a park across the street from work that I would sneak away from my desk and take a walk. It was nice to be outside for a few minutes during the day. Now I just feel like I'm locked up inside. I can't even see a window from my desk and it's slightly depressing.
- The ease of a raising desk. Yes, my desk at work raises and I can stand at work. Which is great because sitting all day and then sitting in the car for another 90 minutes to drive home is annoying. I'm afraid my leg muscles are going to atrophy and I'll get bed sores on the back of my legs. I know, I know, that is extreme and I'm moving every day, so that won't happen, but yes, this is the kind of thing I think about. But my desk at work requires a hand crank to raise the desk. It takes me at least a full minute to raise my desk. It took a second before. I could transition from standing to sitting multiple times a day. Now I make a conscious effort as to whether or not I really want to stand. Or, after standing for a few minutes, do I really want to sit right now? (insert eye roll).
- My running routes and running buddies. I had many different running routes mapped out in Utah. I knew the points I needed to turn around at in order to get a specific mileage in for that day. I have one route mapped out here. I know, I need to venture out, but I miss that from home. I also miss the people I would run with. I would run different routes with different people. I miss being able to sign up for races with friends and know I would have someone there with me.
- My family. Probably the biggest thing I miss is my family. They were all close to me. My brother had just moved back the week before I got married. We were all so close! I didn't realize how much time I spent with my family until I moved away and didn't see them every week. Or multiple times a week, which was the case for me. Little things, like birthdays for nieces and nephews. 4 of them had birthdays this past month and I missed them. All of them. I would have stopped by each of their houses and said happy birthday to them. Luckily there's technology that allows us to send messages and videos, but it's not the same. I miss their cute smiles and the excitement when I would come over. I even miss when they weren't so excited to see me.

I know this paints a picture that I'm hating my life out here. I'm not. These are just the things I've been thinking about lately and missing. It's a big adjustment. I've had many life changes all at once and it's a lot to get used to. I'm trying to tell myself that it will take time and that this is normal, but I don't know what's normal. I don't know if how I'm "dealing" with this situation is good or if I'm not "handling" it well at all. For the most part, I'm doing just fine. However, there's about one day a week that I just feel down. Where I miss all these things terribly and it's just a hard day. Today is one of those days.

Changes

I moved from the city to the country life. Moving to the country has some changes that come with it. Let me preface this with the fact that we have chickens and pigs. Well, my husband had chickens and pigs, which means I inherited them. Speaking of those changes....I was startled awake just before 1 this morning by chickens squawking. Will jolted out of bed and immediately left the room and ran downstairs. He had turned on the large spotlight that overlooked the barn. Naturally, I got out of bed and watched from the window, as I had no idea what was happening. I saw him grab a shovel from the barn and hit it against the tractor (to hopefully scare away any animal that may be out there). There's a tree that blocks the view of the chicken coop, so I couldn't see much. I crawled back in bed and just listened. I heard the chickens for a few minutes and then I heard him come back inside. When he came back to bed I asked him what happened. We forgot to close the chickens tonight. They know to go into the coop when it gets dark, but there is a little door to the coop that usually gets locked at night. As well as the door to the coop (they have a little area that they can walk around and not be roaming the yard where hawks can swoop down and get them). Turns out a possum had gotten in and the chickens were scared, hence the noise. Fast forward to this afternoon.I left work a little early and got home just a few minutes before Will. I was resting my eyeballs for a few minutes (remember that awesome middle of the night wake up call). I heard him come home and he came upstairs. "Did you just hear that screaming?" he asked me. I said yes, but I thought it was a neighbor kid running around. Just so you know, his neighbors aren't close and I don't think any of them have small children that would be yelling like they were enjoying a summer afternoon. He handed me his phone and said, "we may have lost a chicken." The picture he was showing me was of a hawk, standing over his prey. This hawk looked pretty pissed that his picture was being taken. Turns out the hawk had gotten a bunny, not a chicken. These are now the things that occur during my days. A little different than just hearing trax run by my house every half hour or hearing my neighbor's dog bark constantly. Farm life.

So....this happened

As I went to resurrect this blog, I realized it's been two years, to the day, since I last posted. Lots has happened since then. I won't try to catch up. Rather, I'll just start again with the new adventures that have begun. I married this guy. He is truly my best friend and I'm lucky I met him last year. We got married in Utah about a month and a half ago. We have since moved to Massachusetts (into his house) and are starting our new adventure as a married couple. There's plenty of adjustment on my end. I left my family and friends and came to a new place where I don't know anyone or anything around me. I have some bad days, but for the most part it's good. I'm now able to get to and from work without using GPS. Which is a big thing for me. I am still, however, trying to get used to my commute. I came from working right near work. I took back roads to work and it took me 10 minutes. 15 on a bad day. My commute is now an hour. On a good day. That is rough for me. I'm not used to being in the car over 2 hours. Every day. I have discovered books on tape and so far, that is helping. Side note: Ready Player One was a great book. Sadly it was 15 hours and it only took me two weeks to get through. Ha! If that gives you any further indication of how much time I spend in my car now. Speaking of work, yes, I did get a job out here. Which, I am grateful for. It is nice to have a job and be getting a paycheck. I still need to figure out what I'm going to be doing with school, if I'm going to try and continue out here. For now, I'm working and trying to get accustomed to traffic. There are many changes that have come into my life all at once. Marriage, moving, a new job, new ward, new people. I'd like to say it's all been sunshine and rainbows, but it hasn't. In fact, as I sit here and type this, it's currently raining outside. See what I did there? I'm funny. In all reality, it's good, but it's an adjustment. I miss my family terribly and the fact that I'm so far away from them. I knew I was close to my family, but moving across the country and not having them a mere 10 miles away has been a rough realization for me. I'm missing out on little things that I would have always attended while in Utah. I used to see my family at least once a week, in some form or another and now it's all about phone calls, texts and FaceTime. Thank you, technology, for letting me remain connected to my family. And it is because of that technology, that I thought I'd try and write on this again. To try and let my family know what's happening in my life and maybe have an outlet in the form of writing, for me.

Judging

I'm back in school. It's been a long time coming. I haven't been in school for over 10 years. I don't know how to study anymore. I don't know how to use computers in class like my fellow classmates. I'm old school and show up with my notebook and my pen/pencil to take notes. That's what I know. With that preface, I completely judged a fellow student during my last semester, by her cover. We were in the same lecture course and the same lab. I saw her the first day of class. She was very pregnant and my thought was, 'why are you taking this demanding summer course when you are clearly going to give birth in the middle of the semester.' I had told myself I would reach out to someone in my class and try and talk to them. This is a big deal for me, as I am very shy/reserved and initiating contact with a total stranger goes against everything in my being. It terrifies me. To my core. I don't like small talk, so I'm just awkward when I try and do such things. I talked to her the second week. She was very nice, but I judged her. She had tattoos on her arms and wore clothing that I don't wear. As the semester went on, we became more talkative, comparing our thoughts on the class and our struggles with the insanely difficult tests given. She had her baby in the middle of the semester and showed up to lab two days later (because you can't miss lab classes). I was very impressed. She was a strong woman. Turns out, she actually has the same beliefs as me. I don't know where she is with her faith, but she could have been a convert. And I judged her. From the beginning. I was ashamed of myself and the fact that I was so quick to judge, just because of how she looked on the outside. That bothered me. It bothered me because people judge me by the outside. I am quiet and that often comes across as bitchy or unapproachable. I've been told this before. I don't like these stereotypes that I've been assigned, just because of the way I look, but it happens. And I did it. I judged by the cover. I was given a slap by the humility stick and I hope I can learn from that. Everyone has something good to offer and I need to try harder to see those wonderful gifts that people have to offer.

Love, Regret and Comfort

I got another phone call tonight. The one no one likes to receive. The one where you know bad news is waiting on the other end. The one telling you something horrible has happened. This one, telling me my grandmother had passed away. It came at 9 pm and only lasted a minute. I saw "dad" come across my caller id and I knew what it was, deep down, I knew. I reluctantly answered the phone only to hear the news I'd been dreading on the other end. My sweet grandma passed away. It happened at home, exactly where she wanted to be. The home she shared with my grandpa for over 50 years. She couldn't imagine it happening anywhere else. She is finally reunited with my grandpa, after 4 years. They were married for 72 years and I'm sure these last 4 years without him have been heartbreaking. She kept up a good front for us kids, but I know she was aching on the inside. She just wanted to be with him. They were never apart and they have finally been brought back together. It is bitter sweet. I will miss her terribly and the lake won't be the same, but I know she is as happy as can be with my grandpa, in heaven. I love my grandmother and everything she has taught me. I will look back on those times and relish in the wonderful memories I have of her. I've been blessed to have had her in my life for 31 years. She was 96 and she was a spitfire! The reason she was still at home is because she wouldn't accept a permanent move to my parents. It wasn't in her to have others assisting her and waiting on her. That is what she did. She was always independent. It was hard for me to see her in these last few months. She was looking weak and I knew she wasn't happy, having to let people wait on her. I regret the fact that I didn't listen to the promptings I've had over the past week or so to call her. I used to be diligent in calling her every Tuesday night and that has lapsed for a long time now. I could have had one last conversation with her and told her I loved her one last time and I ignored that prompting. It was there. It was there and I didn't act on it. It is something I will always regret. I take comfort in the fact that I know she is in a better place. She is with my grandpa. She is without pain and suffering. She is happy! It's selfish of me to have wanted to keep her here for another summer, but I was hoping. I was hoping I would have another summer at the lake with her, knowing that it would most likely be my last. I was hoping that I would be able to get married before she passed. She wanted that. She told me that one day, but it didn't happen and I will never have that opportunity. Again, selfish. I know that I will see her again someday. It is just in the very distant future. I'm glad to know she is with my grandpa, her true love. I love you grandma. Thank you for everything that you've done for me. Till we meet again.

Spudman

I completed my very first olympic distance triathlon in July. The Spudman Triathlon in Burley Idaho. I was quite nervous about this race considering I had gone swimming approximately two times over the past 7 months since I had registered. Ridiculous, I know. However, I figured as along as I made it out of the water, I would be okay. I had been biking more this summer than I had in the two summers since I got my bike, combined. I wasn't worried about the ride or the run, but the swim....

 Yep, that's me, doing the backstroke. That was the longest mile of my life! But I made it out. And my dad told me that there were a couple people in my wave that quit during the swim. That made me feel a little better.

 And I'm ready for the bike. I was at the back of the pack, but I was still there. I thought I was doing well on the bike and keeping a good pace, but then someone would zoom past me and I had no idea how they were going that fast. My body was tired after swimming for a mile!

There was some guy that I ran passed at the finish line and I ended up blocking my dad's view for the finish line photo. But here I am after the race. I didn't even die. It is a good course and I would like to do it again, but I definitely need to do the swimming training. I also need to work on my technique for swimming, so I can actually keep my head above water. Ahh....the things I need to work on.